Picture a special education classroom with six kindergarten students who have been diagnosed with emotion dysregulation, oppositional defiant disorder, or have a history of trauma and mental health disorders. Do you picture yelling, crying, chairs flying? Despite how you may visualize this, imagine the possibility of quiet inhales and exhales while one student empathetically demonstrates to another how to feel better with a breathing ball. 

Pretty incredible, right? I’ll be honest, it’s a work in progress, but seeing it in action brings tears to my eyes. 

These children learned how to take control of their breath in order to take control of their behaviors. And who doesn’t want more control in their life? We can all learn how to take control of our breath to manage big emotions…even when things feel out of control.

Regulating our breath shows that we are in control. We can regulate our breath by taking slow, intentional breaths in order to feel calm or simply to help shift our emotions. I explain to the children that this happens when the nerves connecting our lungs to our brain get the signal to slow down, calm down, and notice what is happening around us. This lowers heart rate and blood pressure and even relieves stress. By modifying the breath, we gain control of our bodies and brain, which leads to awareness of our thoughts, and then we can decide what to do with our upsetting emotions.

Different breaths provide different options for our bodies. The good thing about this is that we can match a breathing technique to match our current need. For example, sometimes we need to calm down, so a breath with a long, slow exhale supports this. Sometimes, we need to feel energized and wake up the body, so a breath with a big, quick inhale, filling our bodies with oxygen supports that. Sometimes, we need to focus and concentrate, so a breath with balanced, equal breaths supports this need. All of these options are tools we can use at different times.

To help your child gain more control over your body, emotions, and behaviors, try learning some new breathing techniques. Build a habit of taking control of something we all have to do anyway. Supporting your child this way will help them manage stress, gain self-control, and build emotional regulation.

Deep Belly Breaths for Regaining Control

To teach this breathing technique to your child, offer a small stuffed animal or other similar object to place on their belly. Even teenagers have liked this if they are willing to let go of judgment. Have your child lay down, with head on a pillow to help view the belly. The goal is to see the stuffed animal move up and down with the breath. Inhale deeply through the nose, letting the belly expand. Exhale slowly through the nose. Have the child notice how easy or hard it is to breathe deep into our bodies. When we are stressed, we tend to breathe high in our chest. This simple breath helps guide your body to learn how to breathe properly and release tension in your shoulders.

3-2-4 Breathing for Anxiety

This breath is great for older kids, and it is similar to the more popular 4-7-8 breath, which can be quite difficult for kids. Inhale for 3 counts, hold for 2, and exhale for 4. Adjust the counts to a pace that feels comfortable. The breath hold and the longer exhale creates a sense of calm and lowers stress by slowing the heart rate and settling the mind. I highly recommend this simple breath for children who experience anxiety and are new to breath control. This breath is a great starting point.

Box Breathing for Focus

This is a great “go-to” breath for me, and I recommend it to students before they take a test. Inhale, hold, exhale, and pause, each for a count of 4. Visualize each side of a box with your breath. This breath is excellent for improving focus and attention. This is probably my most frequently practiced breath. I love it for its simplicity and balance. For younger kids, adapt it so they imagine a Minecraft block or Alphablock.

There are so many more fun, creative breathing techniques for you and your child. If you desire more calm in your family, I recommend starting with these three breathing strategies before creating some that are personalized to engage your child in gaining more control over big emotions.